The Jackuul Blog

Dear Casio,

Why have you forsaken me?  Just recently I found one of your uber spiffy PDA devices, the Cassiopeia E-200 off of a random lot of crap I splurge on every month – except this time I found your little device.  I turn it on, and it works.  Of course, it has no backlight because its well – busted – but in any case I turn it on, and being the first time I have ever held a PDA it took me all of three seconds to figure it out.  Now – after setting it up, I was impressed.  I was more impressed to find out this little device was made in 2002.  I was so impressed when I looked up the standards of others that are NEW (64 megs, 200+mhz, and your being 64 megs) I could only utter “Holy Dlucking Halibut”.

Then, you forsook me.  Yes you did. I find out the E-200 was the last model you ever made for the United States markets.  You do realize that was the worst mistake ever – right?  You made a product that made the rest of that time look like hippies taking bong hits in their VW busses whilst your little uber-unit revved by in a Datsun Z-280.  Seriously, what the hell is up with stopping at the E-200 for the American Market?  We’re not that god damned dumb!  Well, maybe, but still we buy everything.  Had you touted its superior build at a reasonable price and followed up with an E-300 you’d be sitting on a goldmine.  Instead you cut us off and did the E-3000 overseas.

You’ve starved us of intelligence, of superior PDA units, and of our greatest need in a device that is so well built that even five years later it could stand up in a monkey-dung-sling fight against the now departed Dell.  Look at all the fodder in the PDA market now!  Axim – Dead.  Cassiopeia (yours) – Dead.  Sony’s PDA’s – Dead. The HP Jordaniafalalawhatever – Really dead since they took Compaq over and ran with the iPaq.  What’s killing them all?  Stupid cellphones in a PDA.  That’s the worst thing I have ever witnessed on a road by the way, some douche in front of you with a stylus being a douche and slamming into old people left and right while taking a call, chewing gum, smoking, stuffing down a grease ball burger and gaining that extra thousandth pound while simultaneously operating his radio and his heater… COME ON.  Cellphones should be cellphones – not UBER PDA DISTRACTION DEATH DEVICES!

So, Casio, maker of all holy electronic devices I revere as godlike (my watches, and the E-200) come up with something.  For the love of god, you could take the E-200 build (with its 12 hour lifespan on a single charge) and then improve it from there.  Update the CPU, update the ram (double it if you want, lower ends can keep the same specs!) get the thing running Windows 5, 6, 8, 1000, I don’t care, Linux or BSD even.  Then release it with much fanfare.  Give the people something better than the zomgitsaphonepdapizzacallerhaircombmatchbongwalkietalkiedouchebagdevice. A pure PDA with wireless net.  That’s all.  Hell, team up with (company name here) mobile and offer a discounted wireless wherever the hell you are service and see what happens.  At worse you make a bunch of eccentric E-200 fans happy.  At best you make money.  Either way – it is up to you.

Signed,
Jackuul Emperor and World Dominator
Jackuul