The Jackuul Blog

This is my second letter to the party written without any intent to actually get it to them – since it is impossible to talk to retards in the first place.  Anyways, let me begin.

Dear Retards – I mean Republicans,

Why are you all so morally bankrupt and stupid?  Let me just start of by saying, having been a Republican for years now I see the party as nothing more than a train wreck being led by Christian Fundamentalists, Idiots, and Racists.

This is unbelievable that you would stray so far from the Goldwater, or ever Reagan era political goldmine you once had. Let me point out some faults:

You are attacking the Daughter of John F. Kennedy.  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS? You cannot make any progress without damaging the party beyond belief in attacking the Daughter of John F. Kennedy. There is absolutely no way you can get away with this kind of stupid behavior.  You need to let it go.  Just count that one up as a loss and stay out of it.  Do not interfere, and simply make it party policy to never attack the DAUGHTER OF JOHN F–KING KENNEDY! To do so is political suicide.

Why?  Let me tell you.  1. Her dad was the White Knight of Camelot.  2. Her dad was John F. Kennedy(in case you did not get that first part). 3. Her father was assassinated, and the entire country can remember that day still – even if they were not there. 4. She is the last living child of John F. Kennedy.  5. She’ll probably win based on merit alone, but the additional factors of family, history, and all the other things that involve being the daughter of JFK will take a crap on you.

Give up that hopeless battle.  And anyone decrying experience should know that every first term senator usually has never been a senator in the federal government before – hence the name ‘first term senator’.  Just shut up.

Next, let’s look at the distribution of, what can only be described as a Black-face Minstrel song, a so called parody of Puff the Magic Dragon.  Why is this bad?  First off, it makes anyone who ever watched the show cringe.  Secondly… and let me be clear… it does not matter if it is satire, it is racist.  Good job, you just cost us the 3% of the black community that actually votes for Republicans.

Finally, you stifled the only real conservative left in Ron Paul.  Great on you.  I renounce my membership of six years (being that I have been in the party since turning 18). When the party burns to the ground and loses everything else, it will be your faults, not mine.

The Retardlican Party.

Join at your own peril.

Abraham Lincoln weeps.